By Randy Cale, PH.D
The holidays are a time where we anticipate lots of wonderful family time together. Whether we celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or simply plan to share time with family, we often spend much of our energy and resources on creating the best possible experiences for our children. Yet, many parents dread some of the practical challenges of getting through the holiday break. Below are five simple ways to make the holidays easier, happier and more rewarding.
1. Kids thrive on structure, so take advantage of this during their break.
How do most teachers manage a classroom with 25 kids? They do so by establishing a structure and routine in which kids thrive. Most families that function smoothly and effortlessly adhere to a fairly consistent structure. Want the holidays to go smoothly? Make a daily plan!
That’s right. Make a plan for how things will unfold each day. As much as possible, create some consistency in the daily plan. In other words, make sure the days are relatively predictable for your kids. They will experience less stress and the day will flow more easily.
2. Take advantage of the leverage you have available.
What do I mean by this? Set up a daily plan that includes a “work, then play” component. If you’re home with the kids everyday, make sure that they take on some daily responsibilities before they are free to begin play, such as doing chores or reading for a half hour. This can make your life easier, and the sense of structure helps to keep children in an environment that feels predictable and comfortable. While this may not happen on Christmas morning, this could easily occur throughout the rest of the holidays.
3. Set limits on behavior with consequences , not words and threats.
Over the course of the holiday break, there will inevitably be times when the children’s behavior escalates. If you find yourself threatening, negotiating, and reminding kids over and over, then please consider this: It is much easier to establish limits on how loud, or how physical, or how volatile their behavior can be by using consequences.. rather than words or threats.
Don’t be afraid to put the kids into time out even in the middle of a family get together, if their behavior is out of control. If you are at Grandma’s house and everyone’s trying to enjoy a meal, and your son is out of control, walk him to the car and sit in the car for a 10-minute time out. You will likely only need to do this once or twice and your kids will get the message.
4. It’s okay if they are not happy with you every moment.
In order to maintain limits, and to teach children to function within those limits, it is essential to discipline children at times, regardless of where you are.
If you allow any situation to dictate whether or not you intervene with your children’s misbehavior, your children will learn that they “own you” in those situations. You will inevitably lose more and more control over their behaviors in those situations.
So don’t worry if they are not happy with you all the time—that’s okay! Don’t take it personally. The fact that they’re not happy is something that they’ll get over.
5. Invest more of yourself, not more of your pocketbook.
I know this might seem a bit trite, but at times it seems as though we have all gotten lost. In a culture immersed in “more, more, more”, we teach our children that the holidays are really about what you get, and not what you give.
So as you think about what you’ll give during the holiday season, consider how you could be giving more of yourself. Not giving more stuff. Not giving more gifts. Not giving more parties. Not giving the perfect gift. But instead, giving more moments of yourself. How?
Not more toys, but more time with the kids while playing with the toys.
Not bigger meals, but more time with the children during simple snacks.
Not more play dates with all their friends, but more play dates with Mom and Dad.
In essence, seek more depth in the moments of the holidays rather than more gifts. It’s not about more “presents,” but more “presence.”
These are lessons for all of us. I encourage you to pause and reflect upon how these simple ideas can really make a difference this holiday season.
Seasons Greetings to all!
Dr. Randy Cale, a Clifton Park based parenting expert, author, speaker and licensed psychologist, offers practical guidance for a host of parenting concerns. Dr. Cale’s new website, www.TerrificParenting.com offers valuable free parenting information and an e-mail newsletter.