By Michelle Marks
Women today are stressed out, much more so than a generation ago. In the past, men typically experienced more stress than women, but with our increased roles and responsibilities, women now report more stress overall, less down-time and four times as many sources of stress than men. To make matters worse, research suggests that at the end of the workday men’s stress levels decrease, while women’s typically remain high well into the evening. Stress has become so common for women that most of the time they don’t even notice it anymore—until they burn out or get sick.
Until recently, almost all stress research was conducted on men because researchers thought that women’s characteristic hormonal fluctuations would make them poor research subjects. But new research over the past 10 years has shed light on women and stress and the findings are validating, comforting and hopeful.
What is stress?
Stress is what happens when we encounter a situation that we perceive as beyond our ability to control. Dealing with difficult people, balancing multiple demands on our time and energy, a sick child, bills to pay, concerns about security, health, weight and appearance are all sources of stress for many women.
Stress affects our minds and our bodies. During a stressful situation, we worry and experience bad moods and unclear thinking. When our bodies perceive stress, our nervous system triggers a stress response that includes rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, dry mouth and cold clammy hands. Over 70 years of research (on men) suggests that stress triggers the “fight or flight” response—a biological instinct toward aggression or withdrawal. Road rage or walking out in the middle of a heated argument are examples of how fight or flight manifests in contemporary life.
Our bodies were created to balance stress and relaxation, and the “fight or flight” response was designed to be balanced by time to “rest and digest”. Years ago, when stressors were fewer and further between, our bodies had plenty of time for recovery. But in today’s world we experience an almost constant flow of stressors, so our natural recovery systems become worn out or underused, and our nervous system has become imbalanced. This can lead to heart disease, diabetes, headaches, irritable bowel syndrome, weight gain, infertility, autoimmune disorders, strained relationships, PMS, menopausal hot flashes, emotional conditions and a decreased life expectancy.
Gender differences
About 10 years ago, psychologist Shelley Taylor spearheaded a research effort to study stress in women. She and her colleagues learned that there are differences in the stress chemicals released in men and women. When stressed, men release more testosterone—the hormone associated with aggression. This hormone may be partially responsible for the fight or flight tendency. On the other hand, when women get stressed out, they release more of a hormone called oxytocin—the hormone associated with nurturing and bonding. Unlike men, when women are stressed, oxytocin is believed to lead women to “tend and befriend” by taking care of loved ones, soothing, nurturing and seeking out support—usually from other women. By doing this, it reduces the stress response in their bodies, which means that satisfying the instinct to connect can be a valuable and health enhancing stress management tool for women.
Stress management for women
Based on what we now know about the stress response, below is a three-step stress management solution for women:
1. Rebalance your nervous system. About 30 years ago, Harvard physician Herbert Benson described the relaxation response, a simple breathing technique that allows the body to counteract stress. Today, many methods such as progressive relaxation, meditation, yoga, breath work and biofeedback all help you restore the healthy balance your body needs to reduce the impact of a stressful life.
2. Manage your mind. Advances in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) over the last few decades have yielded a variety of simple and effective techniques that people can use to tame worry, anxiety and depression, thus reducing the mind’s role in perpetuating the stress cycle. You can learn about them from a mental health professional familiar with CBT.
3. Tend and befriend. Nurturing and connecting are instinctive stress management tendencies women use and they should honor them. For example, at the end of a hard workday, take some time to play or cuddle with the kids, your pet, or phone a friend for a quick chat. This can provide you with a stress-reducing breather before you zip back into action. Or schedule a regular “girl’s night out”. Women can also benefit from each other to help better understand and deal more effectively with their partners.
Michelle Marks is a psychologist and biofeedback therapist with a private practice in Bethlehem. She specializes in helping people manage stress, lead healthy lifestyles and thrive in their personal and professional lives. She can be reached at 478.0093 or www.michellemarks.com.