Relax and enjoy your life

By Diane E. Lykes, LCSW

“Here’s a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don’t Worry—Be Happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don’t Worry—Be Happy”

A renowned Indian spiritual teacher, Meher Baba (1894-1969) often used the expression “Don’t worry be happy” with his followers. Almost 20 years after Baba’s death, singer/songwriter Bobby McFerrin won a Grammy for his song based on this simple quote. The lyrics and Caribbean beat struck a chord with many people who imagined an easier life sipping exotic drinks on their favorite sandy beach. Who wouldn’t want to live a more relaxed, worry-free lifestyle?
In our busy world it’s not unusual to feel worried from time to time. Worrying can be productive when it motivates us to address our problems or get involved in an important cause. However, too much worrying can lead to daily anxiety, difficulty concentrating, sleeplessness, fatigue, headaches and feelings of dread. If worrying becomes a long-term problem, it can affect your relationships and your physical and emotional health.
Fortunately, there are ways for you to ease your worries. Learn more about this very human condition and why you need your own personal “tool kit” to live a more relaxed life.

What are you worrying about?
Did you know that more than 95% of the things we worry about never actually happen? Some people spend a good part of their life worrying about all the things that could go wrong. This is called “what if” thinking. When you engage in this type of thinking (“what if I never find a good job?” “what if I never meet someone and I spend my life alone?”), your body generates adrenalin, which increases the amount of anxiety you feel.
A healthier approach is to remind yourself that most often the things you worry about will never occur. In order to live your life fully and creatively, you must accept that there will be inevitable risks. In other words, part of living is overcoming and learning from life’s greatest challenges rather than living in fear of them.

How much control do you have anyway?
There are two types of situations in life: those that you can change and those that you cannot. Worrying about what you cannot change wastes valuable energy you could be using to move your life in a more positive direction.
For those situations you can change, try taking a more active role in resolving them. Often times, our anticipation of a stressful situation is far greater than the actual event itself. Once we go forward and face our fears head on, our self-esteem skyrockets and our worries and anxieties diminish.

Faster is not better, so try slowing down.
Many people rush through their life in a hurried frenzy. They often complain that they have no time and wish they could slow down and relax. They spend their days trying to get the most done in the least amount of time. As Mahatma Gandhi put it, “there is more to life than increasing its speed.” In an effort to learn how to worry less and live a more meaningful and relaxed life, we need to learn how to slow down.

Tool kit for worriers
Self-talk and perfectionism: Self-talk is what we say to ourselves in response to a particular situation and it determines our mood and feelings. People who worry and suffer from anxiety are especially prone to engage in negative self-talk. They often hold themselves to the highest of standards and could aptly be called a perfectionist.

Perfectionists are very critical of their performance and their self-talk sounds like this: “How could I let something like this happen?” or “I never seem to get this right.” It’s no wonder that they worry about so much. They have to do things perfectly or else they will see themselves as a failure.

When you feel yourself engaging in negative self-talk, remind yourself that there is always improvement that can be made in everything you see and do. Because we live in an imperfect world, a person who strives for perfection is guaranteed failure.

Exercise and diet: Many researchers have found that the most effective treatment for anxiety and worry is developing a healthy diet and exercise routine. This lifestyle change is often more effective than “quick fixes” such as prescription medications which come with negative side effects or even addiction.

Any aerobic exercise done at least three times per week for at least 20 minutes each time can help increase your ability to tolerate stress and will reduce your tension. Have you ever experienced the wonderful feeling of post-exercise relaxation? If you’re not currently exercising consider adding this to your tool kit.

Your body craves certain vitamins and nutrients to manage normal levels of stress, anxiety and worry. You may want to make a visit to a nutritionist as part of your plan. The first question he or she will ask is “how much caffeine do you consume each day?” More than two cups of brewed coffee or four cans of soda is considered excessive and can lead to “caffeine intoxication”, which looks a lot like anxiety and worry!
Relaxation: From yoga to meditation to breathing exercises to visualization, there are numerous ways to incorporate relaxation into your daily life. The important thing is to choose something relaxing that you can use over time, both preventatively and during periods of high stress.

Try this simple breathing exercise to achieve a deep level of relaxation quickly:
A. Breathe from the abdomen, inhale through your nose slowly to a count of five.
B. Pause and hold your breath to a count of five.
C. Exhale slowly through your nose or mouth to a count of five, exhaling fully.
D. Take two breaths in your normal rhythm then repeat steps A-C. Do this for three minutes.

Laughter: A good sense of humor is one of your greatest allies in overcoming the effects of worry and anxiety. People who worry tend to take themselves and their lives too seriously. Insignificant events become magnified and life becomes “heavy” and full of “issues”. Instead, try taking yourself less seriously, your flaws included. Recognize your humanness and all that comes with it.

In the final verse of his song, Bobby McFerrin sends an important message:
“Cause when you worry your face will frown and that will bring everybody down.
Don’t Worry—Be Happy”

In the process of learning how to let go of your worries, you may find that you are giving the people who love you a true gift…a more relaxed and carefree you.

Diane Lykes is a Principal of Synergy Counseling Associates in Albany where she specializes in individual and couples counseling, educational training and clinical consultation. Synergy is a unique counseling practice providing compassionate, solution-oriented treatment for adults, children, adolescents and families. She can be reached at 466-3100 or at lykes-synergy@nycap.rr.com