Sympathy For Michelle

I know there’s a lot of important issues in the news to discuss this week, and I do believe we may be at a pivot point in the balance of power in Washington; but do forgive me this if I take just a moment to engage in some commentary on a more human subject I hope you won’t find frivolous; the relationship of Barack and Michelle.

Okay, I have to admit to my shame that I’ve had kind of a chip on my shoulder when it comes to Michelle Obama. Ever since that crack about her having never been proud of her country until the voters smiled upon her husband, I’ve found it difficult to appreciate her as the first lady of the country she was so embarrassed by. Then of course her constant haranguing about my relationship with the Big Mac… no fat guy wants a skinny girl telling him he needs to eat better; if I wanted to be badgered by a woman I would have stayed married. Of course her sharing her husband’s message about us all needing to make shared sacrifices, and then jetting off to Spain, or Aspen, or Hawaii… while I fret over the $300 ticket to Orlando… well that hasn’t endeared her to me either.

But recently I’ve softened a bit toward Michelle. You see I’ve considered what it must be like to be married to Barack. Oh, I know she puts on a happy face, but so does Hillary; it’s a gift politician’s wives seem to have (though Mrs. Spitzer did not seem so gifted). But it hit me the other day, people seldom behave more courteously at home than they do at the office. With the exception of Mafia bosses, people’s behavior at home is invariably more negative than at work. It’s a sad truth; we are generally at our worst with those we claim to love most. And so, although we are not privy to the Obama’s relationship off camera, it is relatively easy to extrapolate what Michelle has had to endure judging by Barack’s more public persona.

From the beginning we saw a President steeped in Chicago style politics. “My way or the highway”; those who didn’t bend to his will were subjected to cajoling, coercion, and arm twisting. Imagine that in a marriage! Yeah, the strong-willed confident decision maker might seem attractive to a naive teenager, but it gets old fast, and controlling behavior is never in the recipe for long term happiness in a marriage.

Ask John Boehner how well the President communicates in a disagreement. If he talks at all it’s to the press, or sympathetic friends on college campuses. Translate that to Michelle. If there’s a disagreement he probably clams up and won’t even talk. Maybe he meets up with Biden for a beer summit, or rings Beyonce… she understands him. And that wouldn’t be his fault, the sign on his desk says “The buck stops anywhere but here”. How many times has Michelle needed to listen to excuses like “The strip club was the Secret Service’s idea” or “Susan Rice said our anniversary was next week”.

You don’t want to be on Barack’s bad side. He’s not a shouter; he handles his victims with sarcasm and mockery. Pretty easy for the leader of the free world to make anyone feel small, even Michelle. You’ve seen him with the Republicans, Fox News, the Tea Party, Pennsylvania voters, Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan… you really think he hasn’t reserved a few gems for his wife?

Some wives complain that they’ve lost their husbands to ESPN. You think a guy that is more concerned with his NCAA brackets than the legal mandate for proposing a federal budget might fit that mold? And imagine the husband who insists there’s nothing wrong with him putting the big screen TV on the credit card; “We don’t have a spending problem, Honey, you just need to make your boss give you a raise… we can keep spending, we still have more checks!”. And if she does get tough with him and cut up the credit card, I imagine Michelle would get the Sequester response of passive aggression. “Well I guess we won’t be able to buy tickets to visit your mother this year.”

IMHO: Next time you’re tempted to complain about having to endure the Obama presidency, count your blessings; he’ll be gone in a few years. It could be worse; you could be married to him.